In Which Yuuri Is a Good Boy
by twineandhope
Summary: "What did grampa shit-for-brains do this time?" Yuri asked. "I caught Victor telling Makkachin how much he loved him," Yuuri replied. "...and?" "Usually he tells me how much he loves me!" "...you're jealous of the dog?"


Yuuri had just come home from a day at the rink. He'd fallen probably a thousand times that day; he was trying to learn a new jump and it was going as badly as it always did. Physically and emotionally exhausted, he dragged himself home and stumbled through the door. Victor bounded in from the other room and grabbed Yuuri's face in both hands.

"Yuuri," he said, uncharacteristically earnest and serious, "you're the most beautiful man I have ever seen. So graceful. So powerful. Wow." His eyes shone with intensity.

Yuuri blinked stupidly. "I -"

Victor interrupted him, "Your hair is so full and lustrous. And so soft!" He tousled Yuuri's hair, grinning hugely. "Everything you do is so good, and kind, and I am so happy that you're with me. I'm so lucky to get to have you in my life." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a granola bar, which he unwrapped and held up to Yuuri's face. "You work so hard! You look so hungry."

Yuuri stared at it uncomfortably. He wasn't really that hungry, but Victor's expression was so full of love and hopeful expectation that Yuuri leaned forward and tentitvely nibbled the end of the granola bar.

"Wow! So talented! My perfect fiance!"

Yuuri tried to find words for "what the hell is going on right now", but when he opened his mouth Victor shoved the rest of the granola bar in. He chewed, bemused.

"You are the best fiance in the world, and I love you more than winning gold."

All at once, Victor lost his intense expression, his face returning to its usual easygoing cheer. He turned and walked off towards the kitchen, calling over his shoulder: "So, what do you think we should have for dinner?"

That was the first time it had happened, but it was far from the last. Yuuri had meant to talk to Victor about the strange ritual, but there never seemed to be a good time. He didn't want to interrupt partway though; Victor seemed so intent. Yuuri wasn't sure what prompted it, but he wasn't complaining. He'd asked for more support when he was feeling anxious; perhaps this was Victor's attempt. If it was a little weird, well, a lot of what Victor did was a little weird, and it was nice for Yuuri to hear that he was special.

And so it had continued. Yuuri came to look forward to the odd conversations when he got home. Or, he used to. Of course, it was all ruined now. He sat alone in their bedroom and stared at his blank phone screen, trying to keep his breathing even. Victor was in the other room. He probably hadn't even noticed that Yuuri was upset. He was too busy with … other things. Yuuri flicked his phone screen on and off, trying to decide what to do. He'd call Phichit. Phichit would help.

Phichit picked up on the second ring. "Hi Yuuri!" he carolled.

"Oh, sorry, were you busy with something?"

"I'm in the shower. I didn't want to get my waterproof case all soapy, and it took me a while to rinse off my hands. Sorry."

"No, it's fine, I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing, I-" he cut himself off. "Yuuri, we have to stop doing this. Gimme a sec to turn off the water and grab a towel."

"Are you sure? I don't want to -"

"Yuuri. It's fine." The background patter of water came to a stop. "What's up?"

"Everything is ruined!" Yuuri wailed.

"Again?"

"You know how Victor does that Thing?"

"Yes," Phichit said, "but you're going to have to be a lot more specific."

"With the compliments. When I come home." Yuuri sat on the bed, staring at the door like he could see through it to Victor on the other side.

"Oh yeah, that Thing. I still don't understand why for four years, I tried to spoil you and you wouldn't let me, and then Victor just waltzes in and from HIM, you accept compliments and granola bars. It's not fair. Thai snacks are better."

"Phichit, please, not this again. Anyway, turns out it was all a lie."

Phichit didn't answer for a moment; all Yuuri could hear was the clatter of furious typing.

"Phichit?"

"I've booked tickets to St. Petersburg, I'll be there the day after tomorrow."

"Phichit, we've talked about this."

"Don't worry Yuuri. I'll make it look like an accident."

"You can't be my best man if you kill my fiance."

There was a long pause, followed by more typing. "They won't let me refund the tickets online. I'll call the airline and then call you right back."

The line went dead. Yuuri was removing the phone from his ear when it rang again. He jumped, startled, then swiped to accept the call without looking at the phone. How had Phichit gotten through that fast?

"WHAT THE FUCK DID THE SENILE OLD MAN DO?"

Yuuri jumped again, jerking the phone away from his ear. The yelling continued, tinny with distance.

"HE JUST THINKS EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM, AND-" Yuuri moved the phone slightly farther away. He waited a few seconds, then brought it back towards his ear. "-BALDING IDIOT WHO DOESN'T EVEN-" Yuuri tossed the phone face down onto a pillow. This could take a while. He stood and walked to the door, opening it a crack to check for Victor. He was still in the living room, with Makkachin. Yuuri sighed and snuck into the kitchen to grab a cup of water. When he returned and picked up his phone again, Yuri was winding down. He'd switched to Russian, but Yuuri caught something about "come over there" and "kill him with my bare hands" in the jumble of unfamiliar words.

"Yurio," Yuuri cut in, "how did you even know something was wrong?"

"Hamster-boy just insta'd another set of plane tickets to Russia. 'Hashtag best friends, hashtag murder, hashtag lol just kidding, hashtag but actually though, hashtag need a hamster-sitter.' What did grampa shit-for-brains do this time?"

Yuuri took a sip of water. "It's nothing. It's fine."

"If you don't tell me I'll post those photos."

"What photos?"

"Phichit said he'd send them to me."

Yuuri paled. "Okay, fine. I caught Victor telling Makkachin how much he loved him."

"...and?"

"Usually he tells me how much he loves me!"

"...you're jealous of the dog?"

"No, it's not like that, it's just - hold on, listen to this." Yuuri switched the phone to speaker and snuck out of the room. He held it up in the entrance to the living room, trying not to lean in too far so Victor wouldn't see him.

Victor was crouched on the floor in front of Makkachin, holding the dog's face in both hands. "Your fur is so full and lustrous! And so soft!" He tousled Makkachin's ears, grinning hugely. "Everything you do is so good, and kind, and I am so happy that you're with me. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

Yuuri switched the phone off speaker and held it to his ear. "See?" he hissed.

In the living room, Victor was pulling out a dog treat. "You work so hard! You look so hungry."

Yuuri crept back into the bedroom and closed the door.

"Yeah," Yuri agreed, "he does that at least three times a week. It's disgusting. You should definitely break up with him."

"Yurio," Yuuri warned, "you can't ruin our wedding if we don't get married."

There was silence from the other end. "Okay, so what's the problem?" Yuri asked finally. "Besides your fiance being the most disgusting person on earth?"

"He does that to me!"

A squawk of horror came from the other end. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU TWO DO TOGETHER!"

Yuuri's entire face went red. "I don't mean like that! I mean, exactly what he's doing right now. He tells me my hair is lustrous and feeds me granola bars." Yuuri could hear gagging from the other end of the line. "I thought he was doing it because I was special to him, but I guess not." Yuuri blinked hard, holding back tears. "It's just a thing he does for his dog."

Yuri gave an exaggerated sigh. "Wow, maybe you two are meant for each other after all. You're almost as stupid as he is."

Yuuri tried to hide a small sniffle. "I know, I'm so stupid, I can't believe I ever thought … You know what, it doesn't matter, I'm so sorry for bothering you. I'll go."

"I CALLED YOU. Now shut up and listen, Katsudon. Before Victor met you, there were only three things in the world that he really loved. Skating, himself, and his stupid dog."

"Makkachin's not stupid!" Yuuri objected. "He's extremely intelligent, and his fur is very lustrous! Just yesterday, he-"

"Oh my GOD SHUT UP. Katsudon, you're missing the point. As usual."

Yuuri waited. Yuri went on.

"Him treating you the same doesn't mean you're less special. It means you're the only person in the world he loves as much as his stupi- as his dog."

"You think?"

"Yes. That's why I said it, idiot."

Yuuri couldn't help it, he started crying. Yuri hung up.

Yuuri took a minute to get himself back under control. When he'd composed himself, he got up and went to the living room. Victor was still on the floor.

"You are the best dog in the world," Victor effused, "and I love you more than winning gold." He stood up and walked away.

Makkachin munched on a dog treat, looking bemused but happy. Yuuri wandered over and pet his head. "I get it, Makka. It's kind of nice though, isn't it?"

Makkachin barked and wagged his tail.


End file.
